Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You're the Devil in Disguise. Oh Yes You Are.

Sometimes a librarian needs to do some work in the stacks without interruption. But this is always easier said than done. Folks see you and need your help. You gladly help them, but your original project never gets done. Weeding, shelving, shifting. These tasks will always take a back burner whenever there is a patron in need. But they can't ask you if they can't see you.

Hide in plain sight with Gouger's revolutionary new Stealthbrarian Camouflage Suit. Cover up your regular work clothes with this comfy one-piece, one-size-fits-all garment. The highly realistic looking "Books on Shelves" camouflage pattern means you can work undisturbed any time you want. (see photo) Why, it's just like being invisible!

Supervisors can lurk in the stacks and monitor their underlings.Underlings can avoid their supervisors. For the fun-minded librarian, it's a great for sneaking up on unsuspecting coworkers for wedgies, book cart hijacking, and other workday hijinks. The possibilities are limited only by you imagination and ethics. Or lack thereof.

Blend into your natural habitat today with the Stealthbrarian Camouflage Suit. Go into the 400s and be a Comma Chameleon today!

Item #203-Stealthbrarian Camouflage Suit-$24.95 (specify wood or metal shelving)

Monday, September 15, 2008

Freedom From Choice

Gouger Library Supplies is an All-American company with an keen eye to the future of the Library Sciences. In this patriotic spirit we are proud to announce our latest historic project. Our company wants to lead the way by developing and sponsoring a possible future Presidential Library. And we're offering our customers a chance to help in this noble endeavor.

You'll be purchasing a piece of history when you buy a Commemorative Brick to help construct the Sarah Palin Presidential Library. Gouger will inscribe any name you desire on the hand-engraved brick(s) you purchase. These handsome building blocks will show the world your support of the kind of Library Science this righteous public servant endorses. Our in-house architect has already drawn up the blueprints for this majestic building. (see artist's rendition above) Sure it's ambitious. But here at Gouger, we think True Americans should be burning with patriotism.

And you the library consumer can't lose. In the sad event this Institution does not come to pass, Gouger Library Supplies will send your brick(s) to you! These highly polished bricks make lovely projectiles or can be just keepsakes of a dream. Order early and often. Literally get in on the ground floor of this American Landmark. Or Else. God Less America!

Item #202-Sarah Palin Presidential Library Commemorative Brick-$24.95 each

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sweet Revenge

Library workers often have to bite their tongues when dealing with less-than-pleasant patrons. Many of these foul people are regular visitors. They seen to delight in being rude during their weekly (or daily) pilgrimage to your building. Frankly, there's not much you can really do to change these obnoxious cretins. They were born jerks and they're going to stay jerks. But you can enjoy some sweet, sweet revenge.

Get yourself a box of Gouger's delicious Chocolate Patrons. Made from only the finest ingredients, these delicious candy effigies will delight and soothe any staff membern who has to deal with the public. Literally bite their tasty little heads off after they figuratively bite off yours. Catharsis was never so delectable.

Gouger's Chocolate Patrons come two scrumptious flavors- Just Plain or Just Plain Nuts. Each box comes with an assortment of fudgy little figurines. One of these luscious candies is sure to resemble the patron you loathe. Bulk discounts are available, please inquire.

Item #201-Gouger's Chocolate Patrons-$24.95 per gross