Monday, March 02, 2009

if u cn rd ts u cn bcome a hi pd librn

A degree in the Library Sciences used to be a costly prize. Two or more long years of extra toil in the academic gulag. Your graduation gift is often unemployment and an additional student loan to contend with. Sure, the campus is pretty and the professors are acerebral. But wouldn't it be better to learn Real Librarianship from Real Librarians from the comfort of your own home? Sure it would!

Now you can. Get that coveted MLS from our new graduate school, Gouge U. Study the Library Sciences at your own pace for only $20 a credit. What a deal! Our faculty has been recruited from witty, wise, working librarians. These well-seasoned professionals will give you the student the real-world knowledge and practical know-how necessary in becoming a productive professional person. And this dedication to humorous scholarship is reflected in Gouge U's Comprehensive Course Catalog
  • ICUP 501 - Photocopiers - Paper Jams and Toner Replacement
  • ICUP 502 - Wishing a Grant
  • ICUP 503 - Collection Development on a Literal Dime
  • ICUP 504 - Left Behind : Trend Following in Technology
  • ICUP 505 - I Love a Survey
  • ICUP 506 - Building Maintenance for the Impractically Educated
  • ICUP 507 - Professional Field Busywork
  • ICUP 508 - Advanced Alphabetical Order
  • ICUP 509 - Developing Great Programs For Your Community to Ignore
  • ICUP 510 - Symposiums, Roundtables, Working Groups, Committees, Seminars, Boards, Retreats, Workshops, Panels, Forums, Focus Groups, and other Donut-Eating Gatherings
  • ICUP 520 - YA Librarianship : Lame Slogans and Sad Attempts
  • ICUP 521 - Leadership Skills : Not Giggling When Somebody Farts
  • ICUP 522 - Every Child Left Behind : Latchkey Kids in the Library
  • ICUP 523 - In God We Trustee :Getting the Board of Your Prayers
  • ICUP 524 - What's That Smell?
  • ICUP 525 - Disaster Planning : Great Disasters Anytime
  • ICUP 526 - Torturous and Arcane Cataloging of Odd Items
  • ICUP 527 - 90% of Reference - Where's the Toilet?
Scholarship. Integrity. How to win a screaming match over 40 cents with your dignity intact. A Gouge U degree delivers all that and so much more. Learn the Library Sciences in your pajamas without ever leaving the house or combing your hair. Graduates receive an impressive-looking diploma and $25 off their next Gouger purchase. Compare that with those other "library schools".

Whether you want to brush up on your skills with a few classes or enter the degree program, a Gouge U education is money well spent. All Gouge U courses are fully accredited by the American Library Ass. No hidden student fees. No campus parking nightmares. Gouge U; the Graduate School for the Practical Polymath. Don't settle for MLeSS!

Item #215 - Gouge U. Master of Library Science Program - $20 per credit