As many of you know, Gouger Library Supplies has been at the center of a great deal of controversy recently. We wish to apologize to the nation and specifically to the citizens of the City of Pratt Falls. The library staff there recently purchased our Thesaurus Rex and did not read the instruction book. They say they didn't receive one, but they're a pack of damn liars.
We defend our line of safe saurian products. The Thesaurus Rex (Bibliophagist Synonymicon) is a harmless beast when used correctly. As stated in the easy-to-understand-unless you are-a-careless-idiot booklet, this fine lizard is intended only to provide synonyms and eat vehicles parked illegally in handicapped spaces. Gouger can not be held responsible for the misuse of this wonderful, excellent, superb, fantastic, first-class, outstanding dinosaur.
Gouger is sincerely sorry for the destruction of the Pratt Falls Municipal Building and the resulting panic. We feel the administration of Pratt Falls PL deliberately set the beast upon the City Offices in reaction to recent budget cuts. That's our story and we're sticking with it.
It is our hope that this unfortunate incident will not be held against our company. We look forward to serving the library community for many years. Please direct any inquries on this matter to our attorneys, Solicitorus & Hutzapod.
Item #051-Thesaurus Rex w/Instructions-$1500
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