Cell phones are evil. Libraries can cover their walls with signs. You can spend endless hours shushing loudmouth twits. Even Gouger's Cell Phone Detonator (Item #001) hasn't stopped them. You've been nice. It's time to get nasty. Gouger nasty.
Luckily, the Cell Phone Orifice Assistant is simple to use and requires no bodily contact. Merely walk by Mr. Grobian and drop the device. Upon hitting the floor, a powerful vacuum is engaged. The cell phone is sucked instantly into the unit. The Assistant's DNA sensors then identify the phone's user. It quickly inserts itself into that person's nearest body cavity. Since the device is usually on the floor, results can be highly amusing. Once the cell phone has been wedged firmly into a body crevice, the device falls to the floor for some vigorous self-cleaning.
Harmless fun that sends a message. Gouger cannot be responsible. Really. We've tried.
Item #096-Cell Phone Orifice Assistant-$49.95 (batteries included)
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