Clear the Air

One loud person in a library is bad. Library noise is not unlike a communicable disease. When a carrier is about others will easily succumb to the malady. And like anything contagious, it spreads at an alarming rate until everyone is infected. Noise begets noise.

Dealing with an epidemic of Library Logorrhea can be overwhelming. Traditional shushing methods just won't work on an entire room of gibbering jabbering patrons. Approaching everyone individually would be ineffective and is also logistically impossible. But nothing is impossible for us here at Gouger Library Supplies! We've got a swell new product that kills chitchat dead.

Get instant and lasting quiet with our Cut the Bullhorn Room Silencer. This 150-decibel bullhorn delivers a message that every one in the building will hear and understand immediately. Give folks an incontinence-inducing jolt of manners with one of the messages built into this fine instrument:

• QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIET!!!!!!
• SHUT UP!!!!!!!
• DO YOOOOOOOU MIND????!!!!
• SILENCE!!!
• YOU'RE IN A LIIIIIIBBBBRRRARRRRRYYYYYY!!!!!
  

Use these fine phrases or make up your own. And it's so easy to operate. Just press a button and let 'er rip. Runs on 1 AA battery (included). Anna Tate of the Fetid Falls Free Library says "I love my Cut the Bullhorn! It shut up 3 floors of bullshitters, gossips, and yappy staff instantly. They must have jumped a foot each! It was priceless". Order now and we'll include a free set of stylish operator earplugs.

Item #162-Cut the Bullhorn Room Silencer-$79.95