Friday, August 29, 2008

Arc de Triomphe!

It's celebration time here at Gouger Library Supplies! We are prouder than proud to present our loyal customers with our 200th product! That's right! 200 hundred fun-fulled, highly professional, mirthfully useful, Librarian-friendly creations. Our competitors said we wouldn't last. But they were too busy charging $100 for a box of thumbtacks to notice Gouger's brilliant innovations. That's why those guys suck and Gouger rules. Pack of no-good swindlers.

Have we got a product to commemorate this fine occasion. If you're sick of systems that give you incomplete, inaccurate, or downright useless statistics you're going to love the Arch Angel. It's a traditional beeping security arch and so much more. As each patron passes through it, the Arch Angels tells you what they really did during their library visit. Check out some of these statistical fields:

  • Nothin' But Movies

  • Internet Dating Loser

  • Ran Around Making Noise (Teen)

  • Slept 3 hours - Light Snoring

  • Bathroom and Chatted Up Uninterested Staff Member

  • Stared at Women

  • Jammed Copier and Left

  • Actually Borrowed Book(s)

  • Mumbled to Self and Made Strange Gestures

  • Met Friend - 1/2 Hour Chat (moderately annoying)

  • Genealogy Nut Recounted Family Tree to Uninterested Staff Member

  • Complained About Fine w/o Payment

  • Story Hour and Some Videos

  • Ran Around Making Noise (Juvenile)

  • 2 Large Print Danielle Steel's and a Quick Look at Cosmo

  • Run Tutoring Business and Talked on Phone

  • Washed Out Socks and Shaved

One look at these highly detailed fields will give your administration a new and much more accurate look at how the community really uses the library. And this is just a small sampling of what this fine system will tabulate. This easy-to-install arch works with any computer operating system and software to print out practical and personalized in-depth reports. Comes with all necessary hardware and software.

Invest in one today. It's a product worth celebrating. Call now. Let it ring. Operators are having a little party.

Item #200-Arch Angel Statistical System-$1000

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