Few things in the library profession are as annoying as a local writer. They appear out of nowhere to grandly announce that they are authors and expect you to fawn accordingly. It's so awkward to avoid purchasing these books without being insulting. Even if they donate a copy of their inept work, it is pathetic at best. The danger of literary contamination to the staff and collection is constant worry.
Save your library from the threat of these vanity press villains. Invest in a Gouger RazzMat Protective Suit. This easy-to-slip on coverall lets you attend to all those poorly made and ludicropathetic books that you add just to get rid of the author. Made of thick Repelvar and coated with melted pencil erasers*, our suit will keep you safe from godawful plots, illiterate phrasing, and rampant over capitalization. So whether it's the biography of a nobody, an insane conspiracy theory, or just a crappy novel, depend on Gouger to keep you and you library protected.
*This product is why library pencils do not have erasers. It was Gouger all along.
Item #111-RazzMat Protective Suit-$99.95 (X-Small, X-Medium, or Bookmobile)
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