The shushing librarian is an unfortunate stereotype. Too many see us as uptight scolds who relish enforcing petty rules. Yeah, that's what we all live for. Stereotype be damned, we here at Gouger we are not ashamed to declare our love of a quiet library. However, being the human mute button gets you nothing but dirty looks and wasted time.
Buy a product that can do the job for you! Replace your old graffiti-scarred tables with our Table of No Contents. This astounding sound-absorbing furniture sucks in all sound within a 12-foot radius! All noise is muffled by the built-in STFU brand unacoustical tiles. Your most ill-mannered chatterboxes can scream until they turn purple in the face and no one will ever hear them.
They'll leave your patrons speechless. A quiet library. It's not just a dream anymore.
Item #120-Table of No Contents-$149.95 (please specify oak, ply, card, or balsa)
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