Must...Buy...Carpeting...Library...Need...Carpeting

Uh oh. The city cut the library budget again. Old Mrs. Bitchcakes is ranting and raving because she can't use the phone. Several evil children are on an unsupervised rampage. Somebody plugged the toilet with the entire Sunday New York Times. If the antiquated computers are working a mopey guy is downloading something smutty. In short, a typical day in a typical library.

Wait, don't run out into traffic just yet. Gouger is here to help. Brighten up your library and your workday with our stylish Subliminal Carpeting. This wonderful floor covering is made exclusively for us. The finest craftsmen in Trashkanistan weave behavior-controlling message(s) into the pattern of each of these fine floor coverings. Pick and choose any of these hypnotizing library-based designs:

• Cell Phones are Evil
  
• No Whine, Pay Fine
• Get Child Book
  
• Me Shut Up Now
• Library Good, Need Money

Your public will be acting just the way you've always dreamed when you install Gouger's mesmerizing Subliminal Carpeting. It's all so easy. Be the broad who looms large and order today.

Item #135-Subliminal Carpeting-$14.95 per square foot, installed