Buy the Farm

Uh oh. The economy is in the outhouse again. That can only mean bad times ahead for any library. Beleaguered book budgets are bound to take a beating. Don't despair, noble Library Scientists! All is never lost when you have Gouger Library Supplies on your side.

When there's no money in the pantry to buy books, you can grow your own. That's right. Pioneer Librarians on the frontier did it and so can you. The Garden of Readin' contains all the supplies and instructions necessary to cultivate a fine crop of literature. Here's a sampling of what you'll get:

• PostTiller Earth Tiller-strong enough to turn your and anyone else's parking lot into acres of arable farmland
• Gouger High-Yield Book Seeds-we create a custom mixture of genres, formats, and age levels to meet your collection development needs
  
• Committee Meeting Brand Fertilizer-Gouger has collected the manure output from a year's worth of professional gatherings. An inexhaustible supply of high-grade crap for your crop!
• Library Hoes-for weeding, you pervert
• AACR H2O-an irrigation system that defies classification

With a little care and some physical labor that the shelvers can be made to do, your library will be assured a bountiful harvest of books. The national financial situation is unlikely to improve any time soon, so order now to be ready for Spring planting.

Item #209-Garden of Readin'-$499